Bandit’s Corner

Hi there,

I apologize for for the time that has passed since my last post, but I’ve been really busy. Guarding this house, playing with my owners daughter, sniffing out tidbits here and there, and just taking care of all the responsibilities of being a dog. I watch this place day and night and I’m serious about it.

I did get down to the Pet Expo in Timmonium MD a couple of weeks ago. And I enjoyed myself. I sniffed until my sinuses started acting up. Food, other dogs, vendors just giving away treats like there was no tomorrow. I met a Yorkshire Terrier, that was too fine! She was groomed wearing a pink bandanna, and had the cutest brown eyes. My owner started this come on Bandit nonsense, tugging on my lease while I was trying to get my introductory sniff on. He would have done well if he had followed the lease from the Yorkie’s neck up to who was holding it, that wasn’t bad either, but he didn’t see all that. Something to do with being married.  Any way, I reluctantly watched this beautiful terrier wag an oh so fine hind quarters away from me. That’s okay, there were hundreds of dogs there, I saw a Great Dane I tried to set up a future date in a dog park with, but my owner started again, “She’s too big for you” Maybe I like big women dogs, he doesn’t know. Next year I leave him home!

You know, people wear some run-over shoes. Other people can’t see like I can ( being two feet high and the ability to sniff super low). I saw a man with a pair of shoes where the soles were so thin, if he stepped on some bubble gum, he was sure to taste the flavor. And I saw this lady, in heels, so worn, they looked like flip flops. (Who wears heels to a Pet Expo anyway?) People with too tight shoes, too loose shoes, just interesting observations from my angle.

All in all I had fun. My owner an I have moved our blog from google to this location. More features and they are all free.  So now that we’re somewhat settled in we can begin posting regularly  again.

For now, I’m gonna go, I have to get back to my guard duties. I’ll be back soon………..stay tuned.

Bandit

Bandit’s Corner – Dog’s pet peeves about humans

I found this list at my favorite website ratterriers.com . Maybe give some of our human counterparts a better insight on some of the things they do that annoy us.

Dog’s pet peeves about humans

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me…not funny…not funny at all.

3. Yelling at me for barking…I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG YOU @%$# IDIOT!!!

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything while you’re gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt??)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyways?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose…stop it!!

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why’d you buy carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet..idiot.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.

11. Any hair cut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff when you are not home.

12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for the “big snip”, then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog. What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogs have not yet solved the visible fence problem.

Bandit’s Corner

Why Dogs Chase Mail People Paper Boys and Girls
These mail people keep putting square pieces of paper in the box outside of the house. Some of this paper upsets my owner (not sure what ” another doggone bill” is?) and some my owner likes (not sure what a rebate check is either). In any event it’s part of my responsibilities to take care of my owner and his property and since these mail people can’t sort good paper from bad I’m determined to stop this practice altogether. So before they even get to the porch I cut them off at the pass and chase them over to the neighbor’s house, put the doggone bill in their box whatever that is. My owner seems happy he hasn’t gotten any paper at all in the last three weeks, but I don’t understand what happened to the lights and water, since I’ve chased the mailman away they don’t work.
Now about this paper boy
He comes by here every morning before anyone is up, and before I realize what’s happening, he throws a rolled up piece thrash at the porch, then hightails it down the street, usually on a bike or in a car. At least the mailman has the guts to attempt to come on the porch. Funny thing though, when I bring this piece of rolled up thrash to my owner, he unrolls it and stares at it while he eats breakfast. And he gives me a treat for bringing it to him. I think maybe he’s misguided, doesn’t he know that it’s more fun to chew it than to look at it? And I’m sure he doesn’t know these people are trying to break his windows out throwing this thing at the porch like they do. One of these mornings however, I’m going to be waiting outside for these paper people and deal with them before they break a window.

Bandit’s Corner – Self Worth

Wow!
My buddy got flooded with emails regarding the book ” The Bandit Theory” and upcoming excerpts. So much so we decided to go ahead and share excerpt # 1. Enjoy.

Bandit on “Self Worth”

What’s all this standing outside of stores and begging for loose change about? As a matter of a fact just what is loose change? All change is loose. Do these people really think my owner is going to give them all his change? Loose change spare????? change really what is this about?

And you can see the beg coming, these people get real courteous, speaking to my owner like they were high school pals, smiling like they are about to take a photo, petting me on my head and all. Probably don’t even like dogs.

Well, even I know, nothing comes for free, and people work too hard to give their money away to the same person everyday. You’d think the ones with their hands out leaning on the wall would know that.

What they need to know is ,you do what you need to do to legally and respectfully support yourself , it’s as simple as that.

In my case…….
I need food and water, I have to earn it. So I do some tricks, watch the house, provide some companionship, fetch something ( I think the Humane Society might be interested in this beer fetching out of the fridge) but point being, you have to offer some sort of value if you want people to invest in you, even if it’s loose change.

Now if I can figure that out, you would think all humans would…………but some people call me dumb. That’s the memo! Feel free to elaborate.

From Bandit’s Corner

Hi I’m Bandit
Sort of the editor and chief of security here at Talkingpoints4now, as well as the subject of some upcoming topics. My sidekick, caretaker, and all around shotgun buddy is the author of this blog. He is currently working on a book as well as this blog and a full time job (I eat a lot) entitled “The Bandit Theory” life’s lessons and wisdom from the mind of a Rat Terrier (me). I’ve convinced him to share excerpts from the book here from time to time to sort of give our devoted readers a preview. I’ll see if I can get you a discount on the book when it’s published too
So look for my picture in upcoming posts signaling an excerpt from the book.
Well, gotta go, paws getting tired from typing.
See Ya!